Channing Tatum and Donnie Azoff want you to know that your life is garbage, but in the funniest way possible.
I used to do a lot of drugs.
I mean I never smoked or shot up heroin, or fought cops high on PCP. And I guess I never did Meth, either Crystal or Original Recipe (well, I think I ate a pill once, but that was at work, and that wasn’t fun, so it doesn’t count, right?)
I never did crack either, because I was told that Crack is Wack, and all the sad homeless people who smelled like garlic butter mixed with gasoline left out in the sun for six weeks pretty much solidified that lesson for me. So I guess by “drugs” I mean weed, acid, shrooms and a little X, you know, when I wanted to let everyone know that I loved them, while dancing in place for three hours.
But I did do a lot of those drugs, and while I was doing them, I was (mostly) having a fantastic time. Now let’s talk about how all this relates to 22 Jump Street, in theaters this weekend:
(STOP RIGHT HERE! In order to have the best review experience possible, I highly recommend you press play on this video, and let the music enhance what you read, which I promise is absolutely relevant. If you’re at work, put some headphones on and don’t be a pussy.)
Simply put, watching 22 Jump Street is like doing drugs, which also includes alcohol. Now, for at least the rest of this review, let’s ignore all the information and propaganda about drugs and drug use, because it neither helps nor is the reality of drug use such as job loss and risk of overdose at all relevant here. We’re going to frame the discussion from the standpoint of why people do drugs…because they’re awesome while you’re doing them (mostly).
To call 2012’s 21 Jump Street a surprise is more than an understatement. The film, directed by tag team geniuses Phil Lord and Christoper Miller (The LEGO Movie, also a surprise) took all the cynicism that comes from making films from an old TV show and beat audiences over the head with it like a golden dildo that makes everything it touches somehow better. The film, while hilarious, never let audiences forget exactly what they were doing, which made the whole thing little more than a joke everyone, including audiences, got to be in on.
When the original became such a hit, it was almost a given that a sequel was inevitable.
The first time you do a drug, you go into it treading all the fear of the potential side effects, while being completely ignorant of the potential fun. Then, when you’re high, one of the first thoughts you have goes along the lines of “Oh wow, why didn’t I start doing this earlier?” That’s the best way to sum up 21 Jump Street. There was doubt and the natural fear of the unknown gives the whole “This movie will be a guaranteed piece of shit” feeling, and then with expectations lowered to the ground, the film knocked it out of the park…just like drugs.
22 Jump Street is like doing drugs for the second time. You have high expectations, and drugs being what they are, you get pretty much what you came for, but like any good drug, there are highs and there are lows, and all you can do is ride the wave in search of the peaks, which will come if you’re in the right headspace.
Make no mistake, this movie is also about sequels. In the same way that Lord and Miller ran around painting the walls of the first film with the same tongue-in-cheek cynicism, they double down here, making sure you know that this is a sequel that is fully aware it’s a sequel, and a cash grab. In fact, housed within the walls of this sequel is the constant reassurance that sequels can be pretty stupid, especially when the plot of the new movie mirrors the plot of the film before it, which 22 Jump Street goes out of its way to do, and yet that is in no way a bad thing…just like drugs.
When you get high for the second time, it’s because the first time was so good. You want to feel that way all over again. Maybe the jokes you tell while you’re high won’t be the same exact joke, but they’ll still be just as funny, because you’re high and that’s the point. Like I just mentioned, the plot of 22 Jump Street really doesn’t matter, because it is essentially the same as 21 Jump Street, which they tell you implicitly.
Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill are back as Channing Tatum and Donnie Azoff’s unloved bastard child, and it doesn’t really matter what their character names are, due to the fact we’re all still in shock that we actually like Channing Tatum (other than the women who already liked him because they wanted to fuck him and lie about being a feminist afterwards) because when he plays the moron meathead we all think he actually may be, he’s tremendously good at it.
As for Donnie Azoff, Jr., all he’s doing is pretending that Tatum is Leo DiCaprio, at least that’s what I assume, because clearly he wants to fuck him too, even though he somehow gets laid by the hottest woman in the movie (Amber Stevens), yet somehow seems disappointed that it’s not Tatum.
(Girls, I know, you’d probably feel the same exact way. It’s OK)
This is also a good time to give huge props to Jillian Bell, who is on the verge of being one of the funniest actors in comedy, even though her default expression is one of needing to take a shit, which is part of her schtick, so I’m not knocking her. She’s definitely one of the best parts of the film, even if you don’t realize it at first, which you probably will, now that I’ve told you.
It’s pointless to go into a detailed discussion of the plot, so let’s focus on the fact that you are going to laugh your ass off, unless you’re dead inside. However, like any great high, there are peaks and valleys, and parts of 22 Jump Street start to dip in levels of enjoyment particularly because they’re so familiar to the point of thinking that eating that third tab of acid wasn’t such a great idea, but then you peak again, and you couldn’t be happier that you’re in the theater.
Although you’re getting more of the same, there are a number of surprises to be had throughout the film that only serve to ramp up the humor. This is particularly true about the ending, which should not be spoiled by anyone, because while it’s not detrimental to the movie you just saw, it brings the cynicism about sequels full circle, and frankly, it’s like being on the back end of an orgasm while still high. It’s that good.
At this point of the review, I realize that I could’ve left out all the drug references and said that 22 Jump Street was also like eating a really good steak, because steak is also good, and technically every good steak you eat is like a good steak you had before, you still want to eat it because, steak is fucking good.
Do you see where I’m going here? If you liked 21 Jump Street, you will like 22 Jump Street. If you didn’t see 21 Jump Street, that will make 22 Jump Street even better because it’s new and it’s funny, which is what you should want.
Guys, if you take a girl to this movie, you’re almost guaranteeing that she will give you a blowjob later, because the mood is so good. Girls, if a guy takes you to this movie, you’ll want to give him a blowjob later, not out of obligation for dinner and a movie, but to capture the good mood I just talked about, before he says something stupid to fuck everything up and make him not want to touch you at all.
One final thought: If H. Jon Benjamin actually looked like the Archer character he voices, he would be a huge star. Instead, he looks like your Uncle Larry, who lives alone. He’s in the movie too. Listen for his voice.
Go see the movie.
Hashim R. Hathaway (Uncle Shimbo) is the host of the Never Daunted Radio Network, and proud father to NeverDaunted.Net. You can reach him on Twitter @NeverDauntedNet