This lazy fuck would rather spend your money and eat you out of house and home rather than take his ass outside and not be weak.
For those of you who don’t already know, I’m a lazy fat fuck. My body aches every day from a combination of old injuries and general atrophy. My days of solid and fruitful activity are behind me, but the last thing I would ever personally want to see is the generations that come behind me fall prey to the same traps of indolence and sloth.
These days, when I’m out and about (luckily still under my own power, tick-tock) most kids I see are buried inside whatever electronic device they have at hand, be it a tablet or smart phone. Many of the kids I know are being raised to be weak, and in the end, I think it’s something that will injure us all.
According to data released Wednesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, less than 50 percent of kids between the ages of 12 to 15 are anywhere near the ballpark of being physically fit. This number is down from 52 percent the last time the study was conducted in 2000.
Holy shit.
The study measures what’s considered to be “adequate” levels of of cardio fitness, something that is essential not only for sport, but for overall health. Only 34 percent of girls have adequate cardio fitness, with boys coming in at 50 percent. Since our kids are devolving into fat pieces of shit that would rather dick around with Snapchat, Facebook and video games (reasonable people call this an Obesity Epidemic), it would only make sense that they become more as opposed to less active.
Interviewed by NPR, Dr. Stephen Pont, an assistant professor at the Dell Children’s Medical Center in Austin, TX is about as mortified as any physician who sees such a decline in the generation of people who are supposed to take care of him once he reaches terminal old age, “It’s frightening, children tend to be less physically active as they become teenagers; this may result in our childhood obesity epidemic getting worse.”
Dr. Pont goes on to note that despite the epidemic possibly peaking, that peak “is still a horrible place to be.”
We live in a culture where contact sports are increasingly being demonized for traumatic injury, so as a result, overprotective parents are keeping their kids from participating in the type of activities that might keep them healthy (neurological issues aside) for years to come. Instead of forcing the little bastards out of the house, kids are being increasingly coddled by their parents, fattening them up with Mickey D’s and Netflix, in hopes of currying favor with them in preparation for a future, inevitable divorce where they’ll force their roly-poly offspring to pick a side.
I see what’s happened to me, and I can’t imagine allowing that to happen to any child of mine. In fact, I already have a plan for any kid I have, and it looks something like this:
It’s the only to ensure my child grows up to be a hero. If you have kids, or are thinking about having kids, there’s still time.