Everything good about patriotism in sport can be summed up by Rocky Balboa holding the flag.
In less than an hour, the US Men’s National Soccer Team attempts to advance to the Knockout Round of the 2014 World Cup.
All we need is a tie in the upcoming game against Germany, but it seems like the Krauts aren’t going to play ball, so it’s time to get dirty and whip up long-dormant resentment against the Hun.
Now I know what you’re going to say: “Jurgen Klinsmann is German!”
I totally get that, and my retort is that Werner Von Braun was also German. Yeah, he may have built rockets for Hitler, but he got smart and started building rockets for us, which was smart on his part. Klinsmann is what we’d call right now a “Good German”. So good, in fact, he even wrote an excuse note so that good Americans like you and me could ditch work.
I guess colluding for a tie game is asking too much, probably because it makes too much sense, and as men things making sense are against our religion sometimes, so I suppose it’s better to shove an American boot up Fritz’s ass and win the whole goddamn thing.
So much for modern-day diplomacy, Adolf.
