“I’m On Some Dumb Shit”: Nicki Minaj Destroys Hip Hop and Ass Appreciation Forever With ‘Anaconda’

With her new release, Nicki Minaj brings the game to an all-time low

by Shimbo

I never thought I’d hate looking at big fat asses so much.

Midnight Wednesday brought the video debut of Hip-Hop harpy Nicki Minaj’s latest single “Anaconda” from the album of the same name.

Now normally, this isn’t necessarily something I’d cover, but after two weeks of hype, I was intrigued enough to see what that hype was all about. Now that I’ve seen “Anaconda”, I find my self wishing I hadn’t. Watching the video, I found it hard to see what Nicki’s appeal is outside her tits and ass, both rumored to be heavily augmented. I mean I can buy the fake tits, because they look like they came right off the shelf. But her ass too? I mean they do that?

Who am I kidding? Of course they do.

The first impression I got from the video was that this is something clearly made for the ADD generation. In the 4:49 running time, there’s nothing coherent or relatable to the song itself. Now, I grew up on videos whose concepts were firmly planted out in left field, but the sheer lack of coherence as the video shifts from a jungle set, to a plain white, brightly lit set, to a home gym in a tiki hut, and back again, only to end with Nicki giving a slow-motion sort of lap dance to Degrassi alum Drake in probably the least sexiest way ever. But don’t take my word for it, have a look at this shit for yourself:

Ok, now that you’ve seen the video, let’s talk about just how awful the song itself is.

First and foremost, this song is an almost complete appropriation of the classic ode to big asses “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Again, it would be hypocritical to complain about a song using samples when all the Hip-Hop I grew up on did the exact same thing, there’s something that just doesn’t sit right where a song samples a song that is also comprised of samples. It gives the whole thing an air of artificiality that’s just to hard to get over.

Between verses of Nicki’s awful, shrill voice boasting about letting drug dealers with big dicks fuck her in cars, it’s hard not to recognize the irony of sampling a song whose lyrics contained, “silicone parts are made for toys” being used by a performer whose most notable assets are plastic at best.

I realize that “Anaconda” is made for a different type of listener with a much less discerning taste, but being at night spots last weekend and hearing “Baby Got Back” while seeing people dance to it as if it was still a new song tells me that whatever it is Nicki Minaj thinks she’s doing isn’t really all that necessary.

Then again, maybe I’m just getting old.

All I know is that she managed to make gyrating asses look boring, and for that, we’ll be enemies for years to come.

Hashim R. Hathaway (Uncle Shimbo) is the host of the Never Daunted Radio Network, and proud father to NeverDaunted.Net. You can reach him on Twitter @NeverDauntedNet