Young Man Becomes a Folk Hero After Mailing His Vice Principal a Box of Shit, Repeatedly.

When you care enough to send the very best.

It’s hard to determine what makes someone a legend. As best I can tell, legendary status is usually bestowed upon those whose stories are simply the best.

This past Monday, a high school senior in Maryland managed to achieve legend by being arrested for repeatedly mailing packages containing both cow and dog shit to his school’s vice principal.

Once wasn’t enough for this enterprising young man, (who has been punished with a 10-day suspension, surprisingly the maximum amount of time a student can be suspended) as he managed to send three packages to Mark Flynn, the vice principal of Stephen Decatur High School in Worcester County.

The future folk hero, whose name and age police have not released, was charged with three counts of disturbing activities at school and three counts of molesting a school administrator.

“Molestation,” you say? Well according to police, at least in this case, molestation does not mean anything of a sexual nature, but basically means unwarranted or malicious bothering.

On April 30, Flynn told a sheriff’s deputy he’d received a package containing some sort of excrement (shit, I mean come on, that’s what it is). The deputy contacted the local Post Office, telling them to keep an eye peeled for any other suspicious packages addressed to poor bastard vice principal.

Well, as luck would have it, two days later, someone dropped off two more packages addressed to Flynn, both of which were later found to contain freshly packed turds. Thankfully for police and obviously Flynn, the quick-thinking postal inspector had written down the shit-mailer’s license plate number.

The Worcester County Sheriff’s Office tracked the car to the the teen’s home. Deputies found him in the parking lot of a nearby McDonald’s; upon searching his car, they found “a large quantity of alcohol.” (Nuh-uh!) The teen later confessed to mailing the shit cakes, telling police he got it from a cow and a dog. $10 says he peeled off a log or two of his own, because let’s face it folks, if you hate someone THAT MUCH, you want to make sure you give them the full treatment.

“We do promote a respectful and positive learning environment,” Barb Witherow, a spokeswoman for Worcester County Schools, said. “Any inappropriate or disruptive or illegal activity is not acceptable.”

While he’ll be ridiculed as an idiot now, just imagine what the 20th anniversary reunion will be like…